Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Irony in the News

NRA Says More Guns in School = Safer Schools.

Proving that certain people are willing to believe anything if you just pay the right researcher enough money to say it, the NRA has just released the results of a study that they helped fund.  The most significant of these findings was that the children of American schools would be safer if all the schools had more armed personnel inside them.

The report also mentions that murder in schools has been a problem in the US for almost "300 years."  Well, that pretty much covers the entire American history.  Maybe it's not so much an American problem as it is a white people problem.  Should we ask the Native Americans?

Oh, wait, we took advantage of a huge plague that nearly wiped them out by nearly wiping them out some more.  And then lied about it.  Maybe we'd just better leave the Native Americans alone, they're still pissed.

Hey, here's a thought: with more guns in schools, how long before we find some nutcase who's all het up to commit "suicide by school?"  Yeah, sure...the kids will be safe, and will never, ever be quite right again.

LiLo's "Pregnant" Tweet Isn't Funny!

For some reason the formerly-pretty, formerly-somewhat-talented train wreck with poofy lips that is Lindsay Lohan can't get a laugh.  On April 1st she tweeted that she was pregnant, then a few hours later recanted the statement with the traditional "April Fool!"  And somehow that didn't get much appreciation.

Well, Lins, it's like this: we're waiting for you to get knocked up.  It would fit with your performance to date. Not "pregnant," mind, but "knocked up."  It has that certain declasse element that fits your current lifestyle.  Between assorted trips to court, somehow dodging out of jail (proof that celebrities really do get unrealistic treatment, the rest of us would have plenty of hoosegow experience by now), finding fashions that don't clash with your ankle monitoring bracelet and yet somehow don't quite stay completely on, is it any surprise that you're having trouble finding a sympathetic or appreciative audience?

It's True!  Politicians Really Are Crooks

I'm mostly a moderate-to-conservative Democrat and have been secretly enjoying watching the Republican party twist itself into knots, trying to understand where and how it went so completely off the rails that its candidate for President couldn't hardly get voted Dishwasher in Chief.  And yet now there's a story out of New York that a Democratic candidate, one Malcolm Smith, was trying to buy a spot on the mayoral race, apparently on the Republican ticket.

The most significant quote in this story has less to do with the facts of the case than it does about corruption in New York politics, possibly in politics in general:  "Based on the cases that we have brought and continue to bring, it seems downright pervasive."

Suing the Hand the Fed You

An American climate scientist is quitting his cushy, high paying job ($180K per year) so he can sue the government for failing to police industry's effects on the world's climate.  This isn't as much ironic as it is a little weird - he's been working for the government all these years, and now's he's going to sue it?  What good can that possibly serve?  The damage is done.

Couple of things to remember: 1) the US isn't the only country with industries and 2) assorted past administrations *cough*Republican*cough* wouldn't want to police industry in any case, because it's "bad for business."

Not being able to see the sun because of all the smog, is that bad for business?  Or having to move your operations inland because your nifty coastal location is now underwater, is that bad for business?  Just questions worth asking, and not directed at Jim Hansen.

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