Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Thank You, Charlie Sheen

...for continuing to be the on-again, off-again inconsistent performer we've come to expect.  If there's one constant in Charlie Sheen Land, it's inconsistency.

Early reports are that Charlie's DC show is a stinker and people are leaving before it's over.  Bummer.  So it's time to ask yourself, Charlie: are you still "winning?"

For a while there, Sheen was the highest-paid actor on TV.  That's not likely to ever happen again.  You can bet that whoever bankrolled this ridiculous tour of his is probably wishing he could push some huge RESET button somewhere, or maybe activate the Omega Thirteen.  When he's on his game, Sheen is supposed to be engaging, funny, watchable.  But when he's off his game...well.  And he's off his game so often.

Ticket buyers are throwing their money away.  If they like Charlie so much, their money would be better spent picking up a used copy of Hot Shots Part Deux.

So it's a bad risk, ponying up for a ticket to Charlie.  What about the scalpers?  Not that I have any sympathy for them, no sir - but still, you know some of these guys are taking a bath, buying up blocks of tickets on speculation, hoping to turn a profit.  Maybe a career change is in order there, guys.  Take up a real job, like flipping burgers.  It ain't a get-rich-quick scheme, but at least it's going broke slower.

And somebody hold a place in line for Charlie, too.  He could use an honest job for a change.  One where he's not the star, not powered by unfiltered ego and BS, one that gives him a chance to see what people go through to earn the money to spend on his pointless, spotty "tour."

Time to hang up the tour bus spurs.  You can only whine about your problems for so long, before we all realize that the one common denominator in all that misery is Charlie Sheen.  Then we stop caring.  Cancel the tour, go home, dry out, get a life.

Then we'll all be winning.

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