MTV Lairs

"What. Is. UP my friends and we are back at the den of Gritch Flammenwerfer am I sayin that right, man?"

"It is close enough."

"Gritch, he's been haunting this volcano for a while now and he says it's way overdue for an update and ain't that the truth! Look at this. This kind of decor went out in the Seventies. Seventeen-seventies, amirite, Gritch?"

"I would not know. I have not kept abreast of interior decor trends. I only know the look on the face of the last maiden I brought here. She appeared...nonplussed."

"Aw, dude! That ain't right. But we're gonna hook you up with some of the hottest designers with their latest ideas and bring some heat back to the hearth, nowhatimsayn?"

"Stop speaking in this fashion. You are virtually incomprehensible."

"Dude. Talk into a mirror, you sound like a congested dictionary. Anyway we got Laney Todd supa fresh from Milan with a stopover in London, first takes, Laney!"

"Hey Timo, hi, Gritch!"

"Greetings, morsel."

"It's a real challenge to work on such a large place, Gritch.  The bigger the space, the bigger the decor, you know?  This is a recurring issue in designing for large spaces, and this is even bigger than Biltmore Estate. Did you know Biltmore is the largest single house in the US?"

"How large is it?"

"It's over 170,000 square feet! That's, ummm..."

"A little over twelve square wingspans. I suppose that's a bit large for you monkeys."

"Hey, don't be calling no names now."

"But it would be far too cramped for me.  I need to be able to stretch.  Elaine, I want you to take out the north wall of the caldera so I can expand my hoard pile for proper lounging."

"That'll be a really big job, Gritch. I was thinking of maybe playing down the gold pile, too. It's a bit over-the-top, you know?  Ostentatious isn't really fashionable anymore, not even among the super-rich.  It's all about subtleties and keeping it low key."

"You better 'pologize, y'hear?"

"Silence, morsel. Elaine. Attend me. Can you do it?"

"Sure, but I'm going to need to call in some help. It's cozy to you but to me it's, well, a volcano."

"You hear me? I ain't playing with you, Bitch!"

"I said shush." <munch> "And it's pronounced 'Gritch.' I was afraid this show would be in bad taste and I was right. Bleah. I am hosting this show now. Elaine. Tell me what you need."