Irony in the News

Drug Charges, No Kidding?
A Wisconsin guy going by the unlikely name of  Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is in custody under charges of drug possession, among other things.  None of those other things include his wacky name, which he's only had since last October.  One wonders, if perhaps Mr. Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop had been required to pee into a cup when turning his name change papers, whether he might have been charged for drug possession at that time as well.


Perfectly Safe!
Zambia's Minister of Tourism Guvin Lubinda assures the world that bungee jumping is perfectly safe, usually.   Naturally such pronouncements are never given without reason, in this case a feeble attempt to deny reality.  I've thought about bungee jumping a couple of times, but it's one of those things that my life insurance policy mentions in very clear language.  Clear language that says "you're not covered for this."


No One Hates Iranians Like Iran Hates Iranians
Iran's government has arrested one of its own, a former US Marine, on charges of espionage.  Poor guy was just visiting his parents who are still Iranian citizens.


Think, people.  If the guy's parents are still Iranian citizens, does anyone believe for a moment the CIA would employ someone with such a compromising background to operate as an intelligence operative?  Highly doubtful.  Obviously having someone with in-country background would be very good, but he's also got too big a wedge that the opposition could bring to bear.  In fact I'm surprised he was accepted as a US Marine.


Accusing and convicting him in a kangaroo court of espionage, Iran has sentenced the man to death.  As if you really wanted to annoy America any further Iran, maybe it's time you listened to your own people?


Fiat's Foot in the Door Has Stepped on Itself
When Chrysler and GM were circling the drain a few short years ago, the US government floated them both huge loans to keep them going.  Good idea as it turns out, it worked.  But to get out of debt all the sooner, Chrysler welcomed Fiat to come and pick up the reins that were dropped in the disastrous relationship with Daimler.  Fiat was looking for an angle to reintroduce its wide range of compact and medium sized cars, so popular in Europe, to the US market.  Except in this, the first full year of that nascent relationship, Chrysler's sales are up 36% over the previous 12 months, and Fiat has hit only 40% of its sales goal with its fun and thrifty reimagination of the frisky little 500.


Republicans are Pro Business!
...and Mitt Romney likes being able to fire people.  Now to be completely fair he's saying that the quote is being taken out of context.  And he's right.  In context, he's saying that he likes being able to fire someone "who provides services to me," as in, he has the right to choose service providers if the service they provide isn't acceptable.  All of that said, it makes for one hell of a sound bite, Mitt.  It makes you sound like a serious jerk.


Fast Food Might Not Be Food
A nutritionist in - where else? - California bought and left a McD's cheeseburger on a shelf for an entire year.  Guess what happened?


Nothing.


Now I'll be the first to admit that I've got some low standards about food.  My mom has a couple of horror stories, one of which involves discovering all the bacon that had been disappearing from the refrigerator never encountered a frying pan or stove on its path to my belly.  I'll eat some things that others might consider dodgy.  And I'll also confess that yesterday's McDonald's cheeseburger, sitting in a sack in the car overnight, is perfectly good the next day.  Maybe even the day after that.  But according to this researcher, her burger on the shelf experiment yielded no results of any kind - the burger still looks, feels and smells like a burger.


My guess is that it just got dried out and doesn't hold enough moisture to support life, but I wouldn't bite into it to test the no-life theory, either.  Whip out the microscope lady, and tell us what's going on.

That's it for now.